Two recent events influenced me in a profound way. A loss of a dear friend and a wedding anniversary of a family in church.
Why do some losses hurt a lot and some just a little?
Answering this question makes me think about relations we have with different people in general and relations between spouses in particular.
Do we allow people to get so close to our heart that the pain is almost intolerable when they leave us (by betrayal or passing away)?
Why do some marriages fall apart with time and some get stronger?
Supposedly all marriages start with love. Then life happens… Little by little legitimate reasons (kids, jobs, relatives, friends) pull us apart. We find ourselves getting annoyed with each other and reacting in a “not very loving” way in stressful situations or when the troubled times come… It may even get worse and we become resentful…
If we lose one another at this time, will it hurt that much?
If we really and truly make God the glue of our marriage, become “one flesh”, and keep becoming closer every day by having the same focus in life of doing what God tells us to do…
- like not letting the sun go down while you are still angry (Ephesians 4:26)…
- like spending time with each other thus showing each other where our treasure lies (Luke 12:34)…
- like leaving everybody’s authority or opinions behind (parents or friends) and protecting your marriage, doing what is right for your marriage, (Matthew 19:6 ”What God has joined together, let no one separate”—that includes well-wishing mamas, daddy’s, friends or neighbors)…
- like avoiding bad influences (1 Corinthians 15:33).
Nothing is more unifying for a marriage than spending time together in service to God. The key word here is together. When we serve together, how can our love disappear? When we say “I love you” every day and mean it EVERY time we say it (it’s like using God’s name in vain—do not say it if you do not mean it… but when you say it, MEAN it), how can our love disappear? When we talk, deal with each other in a gentle way, how can our love disappear? When we do thoughtful things for each other, how can our love disappear? Again the key word is together, both of us. “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Luke 11:11.
Our appreciation for our spouse grows, our love for each other grows! You are best friends. You can talk about everything, you like spending time together, you do not need other friends. You know that you can count on each other for support. You sometimes take it all for granted….
If you lose each other at this time, how much will it hurt?
Will it bring you physical pain to have the pillow with your spouse’s smell on it in your bed where you are alone now? Will it hurt to look at a coffee mug that used to be used every morning by your spouse and now not? Will it hurt to look at the stars and the moon at night because your spouse used to love watching the sky at night. Will it hurt to see the working boots that your love used to wear every day… It breaks my heart to talk about so much pain..
But…these examples help me in my marriage… Do NOT take each other for granted, work on your marriage every day, get rid of your pride, serve God and each other together.
To those who lost their loved ones recently, thank you for showing what Godly marriage should be even in your pain.
Every person will have to decide if you want to be “self-sufficient” with your emotions and not let anyone get close enough, not to expose yourself to potential pain because it hurts A LOT to lose a person you love. Or you may decide to experience joy that comes with close relations, to make yourself vulnerable for the sake of showing somebody love and been shown what love can be.
The parallel of our relations with God is very obvious. Can we be “self-sufficient” and not include God in our lives? Yes. If we make this choice we then should be ready to rip the consequences of missing all the joy: not only the joy of living here on earth as a part of God’s family and showing what love is to people around us as well as experiencing other people showing us love. By staying away from God we will also miss the ultimate expression of God’s love—living with God’s family in eternity, having fellowship with the Father and with his son, Jesus Christ.